Day 32

A couple of days ago I thought I was getting used to the isolation. The Easter break that followed was nice and pretty relaxed. But yesterday the worrying started again. There’s this government advice panel, from the Leopoldina Academy of Sciences. They published their recommendation on how to reopen Germany yesterday and it includes a lot of things except daycare. This old school manly committee was like, yeah schools can open, but toddlers stay home until after the summer vacation. Which at least shows they don’t know that daycare doesn’t have summer vacation, but a shorter break that doesn’t necessarily align with school vacation. That last bit is nitpicking, but I’m worried:

  • Our children need other children to play with. At least ours have each other, but what about those without siblings? You can’t just pause social development at the age when children develop the most.
  • How am I supposed to get to my productivity up again? The children and household need a non-negotiable amount of time.

Ugh. I have negative thoughts over and over again, where everything seems connected. There are about as many new daily COVID-19 as on Day 1. Deaths per day are still increasing. The hope was that after 5 weeks of distancing, we’d be better off, but the country really seems to be in a worse state. What started as a unique, long, but also somewhat comfy challenge, is now who-knows-how-long. And I’m complaining here, but I am privileged, being isolated, with my family, not risking my health and still getting a salary paid. I should be ashamed of myself. But that just makes me feel bad and distracts me from work and being nice to my family. We’re not getting this under control as a global, European or even national society. I was a big proponent of severe measures to stop the pandemic, but either it’s not been severe enough or too many people ignore it—where were all those people going in their cars on Friday night? If grownups are not sticking to the rules, it feels unfair that my children should. After all, their freedom has been restricted most (no social contact, no trips, not even coming along to do grocery shopping) while their health is the least at risk. Since I can’t work with the same passion I had before, should I just take a sabbatical till the end of summer? And what if things are just as they’re now in fall again? Can I even afford a sabbatical? Is my career over? Will the world ever return to normal? And do I want that?

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